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Twitter Updates
Man, I gotta get to bed, but I want to plug this first.
I found the people who did the string arrangement of Tool!
Go here!
Thanks to Kabir at toolshed.down.net for posting this information which I searched and searched forever to unsuccessfully find... until I made it to his site.
This girl Ainie, who I work with, out of the blue said to me "oh, you have an admirer."
"What?" I said.
"You have an admirer. *smile*"
I sighed. I've waited my entire life for someone to say that.
But seeing how Ainie is only 18, I knew it was not going to have a beautiful outcome...
"This girl I go to school with was talking to one of her friends around me and she said "do you want to go to the camera shop to see if that guy's there?"
Ainie spoke up. "Hey! I work at The Camera Shop!"
"YOU DO?! Do you know Carl?"
=====I interrupted Ainie's story=====
"Is this that girl that thought I looked like Russell Crowe?"
"Yes! It is!"
I was right. Very flattered... I didn't know what to do --- or say, even! Ainie went on to quote the girl a few more times; things she said about me. But, I'll spare the poor girl any further embarrassment.
I told Ainie about my Picture Pages saga. I gave her the URL to pass on to the girl (I think her name was Becky?) I guess so she could have something to laugh at. I noted "please don't stalk me" on the card. So the chances of her seeing this are pretty high.
Oh, by the way.. "Hi, [Becky??]"
So it's cute. I am extremely flattered. I just wish it was someone a tad bit more my age preference. Everyone knows it's DEFINITELY not high school girls any more.
Other things...... hmm....
Nope. That's about it for today.
Much thanks to Sarah for linking my site. Check out her links page to find a nice movie database she's putting together.
What a blast!!
And I underestimated the fans. They were VERY well behaved. Literally NO moshing, just a bit of crowd surfing.
Jeez, I don't even know where to begin. What a great experience. These guys are just plain geniuses and watching them live for the first time showed just how incredibly talented every single member is.
A treat for my fellow Tool fans out there:
Click below to download the song "Aenema" composed of just stringed instruments. It's very good, I just wish I knew who did it.
�NEMA (mp3)
Though I'm not going until 5 or so... this'll probably be my last blog until then.
I am one excited mutha-forker.
A good night to you all!
Ok, if this is Tricia's little way of trying to prove that she really is insane, then she's doing a bang-up job. I do not have the strength to even reply to her latest comments. It's simply not worth it. But at least I, along with some others, are getting a good laugh from her (outstandingly) twisted mind.
Onto other things...
Hmm, what other things are there? TOOL tomorrow night! (Well, tonight, technically)
Aahh... I am super-psyched. I just hope I don't get killed or badly beaten in the mosh pit. HEY, there's a good reason for a rant!
Moshing at TOOL
Why? I mean... yes, the music is heavy. It is also loud. But it's not Metallica, ok people? This music is not loud because it likes to be...it's loud because it HAS to be. So much energy and passion. So much power and emotion. So much intelligence. Moshing at TOOL is inevitable, I'm sure. But to me it would be like moshing to a college professor's speech in Philosophy 101.
"Jusss...t... ARGH! What are you moshing for?! Dammit! Just LISTEN. Experience! Let it flow through you. You can move a bit, bob your head... whatever... but ramming into your neighbor with all your might (not excluding your ELBOW) ??!
WHY!?
You're stupid! Bunch of morons!"
Buuut what are ya gonna do, eh?
Before you get an email about the Wingdings prophecy, I'll inform you it's another hoax.
The email informs the reader than one of the flights that crashed into the WTC was named Q33NY.
If you translate them into the Wingdings font they look like this:
Q33NY
Very cool. But no flight was really named that. Sorry.
Read more here.
Some people, man...
Just living in a world full of pent-up anger and use any excuse, little or great, to release it. Anything to use it up on. Usually triggered by fear of losing their invulnerability.
You can't do anything to save them. Gotta let them air out. One day, they'll see.
So it's strange being the one to bear the news to some of you. This news I have known for a week. I was not sure about releasing it into the air, but after approval from the person in question... I will do so now.
John Newman. A friend since elementary school days. One that's been from one end of the spectrum and back as far as friendship goes. Someone to relate with, have long discussions with, and laugh with. John moved to Portland in January of this year and came back home a few weeks ago.
He's been feeling ill since a month before he came back. His energy decreasing rapidly, his weight dropping dramatically.
Lumps began to form around his neck and back. Some big, some not so big. Lumps he feared. So much so, he avoided the doctor.
Wouldn't you?
Last week his family finally forced him to the hospital. And the inevitable was revealed.
John has Lymphatic Cancer. Commonly known simply as Hodgkin's Disease or Lymphoma. Either way you look at it... it's cancer.
It's a very common form and has a curability rate of 95%. He will start radiation and chemotherapy in the next few weeks. He will lose his hair and have to quit school. Fortunately, there's a program that gets him a full credit for that semester (or something like that)
More Catscans, Petscans, echocardiograms, radiation, and chemotherapy are sure to come.
He's not looking forward to it. He's still having trouble grasping his situation.
But he's doing fine. All is normal and should be kept that way to our best abilities.
He's doing just fine.
Having troubles with my coz@cozbaldwin.com email address. Please send any emails to coz20@home.com instead. If any were sent during my vacation to my official address, I have not received them.
I'm kicking myself hard with whatever life I have left in me.
For some reason, I decided to go through all my files and collect pictures of all my ex-girlfriends. I think I originally had this idea to make a montage page with the "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" MIDI playing in the background. Yes, fun fun fun. I have way too much time on my hands at night... I know.
Anyway, so I come across the Niniane files and then.... everything flies out the window (in my head). I found too much shit that should have been locked away with a combination I couldn't crack until the year 2035. Blogs, stories, conversations... Jesus Christ! I Found the actual fucking conversation where she first told me she had feelings for me! Soon after, came across the one where she told me she didn't have any feelings for me. Pictures, upon pictures, ranging from times where I barely knew her, to her trip here, to my trip there. Some people damn the pacific... at the time I was damning 3,000 miles of dirt, sand, concrete, and metal. Now I damn my trigger-happy clicking finger for saving these moments.
Emotionally, I feel like I am one of the few remaining bodies underneath the WTC rubble. Still alive, after being under there for what seems like eternity, but unable to move. I will wake up every so often, thinking I was in bed, at home, and it was all just a dream. Then I shake off the last bits of unconsciousness and realize:
"Damn. I'm still here."
Hey, Paw! I did done good, yeah?
Can I git Sis' tonight, instead o' you?
There was this brainstorm I had for work. It came in the form of a brochure. One that I feel would instill the customer with a sense that we're doing something a bit more for them. One that tells them what they will need in the future and where to go when they need them. "Tips and Tricks" I called it. To be handed out to all camera buyers and perspective buyers.
Finally, I was able to present it to my district manager today. Seemed she really liked it. She asked me to make one for all 13 stores of the district, each with their address and phone number on it. So's I did. She's going to present them on Thursday at the Manager's Meeting.
I just wonder where it will go from there...
Well, to save some time thinking and typing out my experience this week, I am writing it out tonight, my last night here, in the wee hours of Sunday morning.
It's sad to think that every night down here, ...no -- in fact, every waking moment I hoped someone would knock on my door. I have to laugh at my show of desperation and patheticness. I wrote a page or two on this a few nights ago, but I'll spare you the extra-whining. One line from it summed it up pretty well, though.
"Finding comfort in solitude is not as easy as I'd thought."
My week consisted of sitting on the couch (permantly denting it, I'm sure) and watching television. I witnessed Letterman's speech, O'Brien's speech, and Jon Stewart's speech. (Letterman's coming in first, with Stewart's in a surprisingly close 2nd -- Conan's voice is just too hard to take seriously)
Occasionally, I would get up and snap a few pictures of the house, experimenting with different exposure lengths (*heavy* experimentation, seeing as I have no idea what I'm doing)
Had food, drink, and snacks-a-plenty.
I would randomly decide to sit on the front porch and watch the empty street lay before me. Took a trip to Eckards once for some mini-speakers to hear myself play on the keyboard. There was a young, pretty French girl working the checkout. I fantasized about asking her over, bought my stuff (which was a complete waste of money), and left.
One day, I went to the supermarket. That was my adventure for the day.
I wanted to send some emails but I can't seem to figure out why it keeps saying "message not sent" -- when it had worked once before. Oh that's another thing. I got my phone working, OC seems to be out of my "home calling area" which I was pretty sure was NOT the case when I looked at the AT&T map. Now, I wonder how much I will be charged for these calls. I mainly just called my voicemail box to see if perhaps someone left a message and my phone just wasn't working right, but alas... it was working just fine.
To a "T", that was exactly my week. For years, one thing I wanted more than anything was to bring someone I love to that house. Spend a week, or even a weekend. Just me and her. And everytime I have an oppertunity with the house, I am not involved with anyone. Could there be a reason for this other than to watch me suffer? Argh.
I don't know... I mean, YEAH! It was great to get away from work and all that I have to deal with during my day-to-day routine. But still, I was unable to get away from the most damaging thing....... myself.
Check out Picture Pages for a new feature added to the Coz/Russell saga.
No. I think things have been straightened out and I will still have my weekend, so if you're one of the special few who can come down... don't be scared. You won't get kicked out.
I don't really have much to say. I hope I am accompanied by a person now and then.
Please keep in mind that if you send me an email, I won't get it until next week. Please try to hold off on any unnecessary emails to me so as not to clutter my inbox when I get back.
I hope everyone has a great time doing your thing and I will see you next week!!!
Is it true? Was my weekend just cut-off of my vacation???
This is not good. There'd better be a good explanation for this or some kind of retraction. More news later... when I find out.
OK let's catch up on a couple things.
*I got another "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Russell Crowe? *giggle giggle*"
Heh.
* Tricia doesn't want to know me.
*Joyce is pregnant. Oh yeah, I guess I never went over that. Well, Joyce (who, if a description had to be made about who she is to me -- she'd simply be described as " THE ex" That ONE ex that was everything good and bad and never seems to get out of your mind. Yeah.
Well, she's pregnant with some guy. She completely deserted me. Some may recall after my ordeal with Niniane, I came home to Joyce who had previously said she was still in love with me and then.... tells me she wants to be with me, but isn't quite ready to settle down yet.
Let your imagination flow on that one.
I let mine flow... and so I let her go. Now, she's moved out of her apartment and I guess still with this one guy she started seeing and I have not gotten a call from her since February, maybe? The only reason I know of this is from other people.... and that, to me, is just not right.
Still no phone and I leave on Monday. I'm writing another email, goddammit.
Tomorrow: I plan to help mother with defragging, maybe get a haircut, stop off at work and grab some film and change in some money for rolls of quarters so THEN I can go to the laundromat for a good 5 hours and get all my clothes done. Will this all get done? Probably not.
...and yes, you were supposed to click on "*giggle giggle*".
OK, I am sorry.. very sorry indeed, but the last two entries of the guestbook have been dropped. Please, I beg of you, if you need to express such personal thoughts with me, I beg of you to either make it a private entry (check "private message?") or simply write it to me in an email.
I tweaked it again so the text is easier to read.
Gnocchi-Book has been tweaked. Sign it, please?
Also, remember to join The Coz List for site updates, news, sneak-peeks, discussion, and secret-special stuff that isn't always on the site. All are welcome! Except you Palastinians...
I don't need to go over the day's events... I'm sure if they're not still being re-ran on the TV over and over, then they still are in your head. And they'll continue to do so for the rest of your life, less and less every day, but they'll never leave you.
I was at work. Good ol' Ritz Camera in Broomall, PA. Stuck in a place, disconnected from the tragedy, disconnected from the life and death struggle just 103 miles away, unable to help, unable to grief, unable to watch the day unfold, and unable to let that tear go for the thousands of people killed. I was sick to my stomach, standing there, asking these heart-less creatures if they want one set or two. I didn't care. I wanted to bark at them, "Why aren't you home?!" ----- Apparently, taking a gander at our fine collection of picture frames was more important than paying attention to our country under attack!
Damn you! Damn you to hell!
And damn those who created this chaos! You will NOT dance around in celebration for long. You will NOT be forgiven, forgotten, or spared. You WILL die... and I can only pray you die painfully.
And to top it all off!!!!!!!
I get home to find my cell-phone STILL was not activated! Do not be surprised if by tomorrow the AT&T building has been flattened as well. I am really, REALLY pissed off.
"...some say we'll see armageddon soon."
In a half-awake / half-asleep kind of daze, my father knocks on my bedroom door to inform me we are under attack.
I am in awe. This is not a movie. This is our country, literally under attack.
Years from now we'll be asking each other "Do you remember what you were doing when the World Trade Centers were collapsing on top of New York, engulphing the entire city in smoke?"
This is a frightening event... and my heart aches for the people personally affected by these events across the US. Unfortunatly, for my heart... the entire US is affected.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to fucking be at work in 45 minutes.
Ah yes! Download IE 6.0 ----- Finally, I can see those different colored scroll bars I worked so hard on again.
So remember when I was in that big kick about people I know sending me pictures of themselves nude? Not for pleasure... just because (No one understood then, and probably don't now)
Anyway... that faded away.... and now, I find myself with pictures a few people I talk to online.... naked. Professioanlly taken, of course. And it doesn't mean much to me... but I gotta find it amusing.
I'm hoping this week will be as productive as I hope it will be.
Updated The Archives. Sorry to any who wanted them earlier...
Ooh let's see...
Went out with Tricia tonight to a play at The Colonial Playhouse. Met her friend "Crazy Dave" who was in the play, taking on the role of a man AND a woman. Quite an interesting night. Got lost trying to find her new home in East Falls (Near Manayunk) and was late to the play. Taking her back home, with Taco Bell in hand, we were locked out... so we plopped down on the front steps and started eating. She looked fabulous. Too hot to be hanging out with the likes of me...
So I left there, because I had John waiting for me at his house. He turned 21 at midnight so we went to McGuillicuddy's. Had a few drinks, the band was still playing when we arrived at 1:00. We stayed until close -- and here, at 3am, I sit. A good night. Wow. Haven't had one of those in a long time.
I really could have used my phone tonight. It better be activated on Tuesday or someone's gonna hear it! Vacation in just over a week, too!
God, it will be nice. I will be staying there alone so I may get lonely at times, but I think it's for the best. There's a couple people I've casually asked to visit for a night or so... doubtful they will show up, but it's OK with me. I just hope the TV is working, unlike the last time I went down for a weekend. That would suck. I think I'll take down my keyboard and camera. Haven't touched either of them in months. Not only do I barely have time, but I can't play with my dad around anymore.
#1: I feel like I'm interrupting his TV watching (Which I know is not the case)
#2: He'll usually come out and talk to me about what I'm doing or try to join in on the drums (Which he wouldn't have the energy for now)
#3: I just am very self-conscious when trying to write a song. I need absolute privacy anymore. No one can hear... and he's always home.
None of this is his fault. It's all in my head.
Thanks to those who wrote me on the restoration. I do appreciate it.
All for now...
I touched up the restoration a bit. You may not notice any changes, but they're there.
NOW..... how much do you charge someone for this?
A customer came in today and needed a couple pictures restored. Prices were to be one at $99.99. The other one was either going to be $79.99 or $99.99, depending on how the restoration people classed it.
Well, one was enough. I told her if she wouldn't mind I'd like to take it home and see what I could do with it.
Instead of paying a hundred bucks and waiting what could be up to 5 or 6 weeks, she opted to let me try. So... tonight after maybe 2 hours of working on it, I came up with this.
What do you think? (Click "Coz" below)
So my phone wasn't connected today. This means, since apparently they only activate employee plans every Tuesday.... that I have to wait till next Tuesday. Bullshit.
I am kinda pissed.
Hell of a day today. And it's only gonna get worse. Each week we lose more employees. Either to school, or sudden move of residency, or people sick of having no help... and leaving. It's a downward spiral and there's nothing stopping it because no one's applying. The few that are, are REAL idiots. Believe me, we've had to hire a couple. And since the only training is in-store while working... you may as well just have that person NOT there.
When I go on vacation, another person leaves that same week. It's hell.
Hell.
For all you Dirty Dancing fans out there.... Dirty Dancing 2, now in the works!
Can you say.......... Bad idea?
*ow,* I just bit my tongue!
Ok, what I was gonna say, was.... take a look at this: www.hi-res.net ---- Perhaps I'm the only one who DOESN'T know of these guys. It's insane what they can do. This is quality at it's peak. They're the guys (guys, gals, guy, gal, whatever) who do the Requiem For A Dream movie website, which... I must see because it was directed by the guy who did "Pi" and "Cubed"
I have realized and accepted the fact that one of my worst habits, if not THE worst, is that I obsess over things. At all times, I need something to obsess about. Most times, it's a female. The constant *hope* of finding the love I'm looking for. A love that just may never be found, because it's too good to exist. But I don't think so. I still have that hope and I'll never let go of it. It's strange, too, because the things I do not obsess over, I am completely apathetic about.
I have my reasons, whether they be wrong or not, I do have my reasons.
Beautiful girl, cries for help,
letting go of her views of him.
Struggling to help, he cannot anymore.
For he is the consultant, now.
And not the love of whom he desires.
Be sweet, be caring, be there for her,
but don't slip out of your position.
It's all a game, most times.
Admitting the truth can be difficult.
But winning isn't always the end.
No, you've got to succeed in your success
to be real. Forever.
Is it the beauty, is it the humor, is it the detailed blueprints that match so closely?
What is good? What is bad?
You should've learned by now. You went through this before.
It's the all of you -- I can fall in love with. And I wonder if you'll see that,
and I wonder if you'll feel the same.
....Sometime.
I SUPPORT STILE!
AND SO SHOULD YOU!
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